


You Are Like Music In My Ears- Rewrite

by KweenKevin



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Anxiety!Jeremy, Background Relationships, M/M, Music, Rewrite, Tags to be added as I go, Trojans, jerejean, mentions of abuse, okay?, riko is a trashcan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22739428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KweenKevin/pseuds/KweenKevin
Summary: Without music, would life have a sound?...Jeremy Knox is in college, captain of the Trojan Exy team, and life is generally pretty good. Except that he didn't have a soulmate.Jean stepped out of the sun. He always burned and melted, so what was the point?...In all the darkness that was Jean Moreau, he finally found some light. Jeremy was a light, the sun in his dark life, and Jean found he didn't really mind. He could learn to get along with the sun once again.
Relationships: Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	1. If Happy Ever Afters did exist...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheirHighestMajesty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheirHighestMajesty/gifts).



> I'm finally rewriting this story, I hope it still gets a lot of love. Also I'm gifting this story to TheirHighestMajesty because I don't think anyone has ever given so much love to something I ever created.

Jeremy had been waiting since his 13th birthday. His sister got hers the day she turned 13, his brothers too. Everyone did. Except him. 

At first he thought he was too restless to notice the song, to notice some hint of a voice, a melody. Or that his soulmate just didn't sing.

But as the years went on, the hope for a song being stuck in his head went away. By the age of 14, he had given up hope, but had still been wishing. By the time he was 16, he stopped wishing and told himself that it didn't matter. If only he could convince himself of that. It did matter, it mattered a whole lot. So he did the only reasonable thing. He sported the frustration, the pain, the loneliness, all of it, away.

He started playing exy. Scratch that, he started living exy. He was always at the court and when he wasn't, he was studying other games. He tried to convince himself that he didn't have a soulmate, and in the end, it was the only truth that sounded correct to him.

In his junior year at USC, he became captain of the Trojans. He trained hard but he enjoyed it. Every second. Exy had become so much more than just an outlet, a way of living. It made him happy, made him feel relieved. The ricocheting of a ball against the wall would make all the thoughts in his mind disappear, until all that was left was there and then, the pounding of his heart, the colors of his equipment, the team, the laughter and the victory cries, exy, exy,  _ exy _ . 

It was all wonderful, every 31 449 600 seconds of his year. The remaining 86 400 seconds were his birthday. That was only day he locked himself in his room, and tried to tell himself that it would be the start of a new year, that this year he finally was gonna start hearing a melody, a voice.

And like every year, disappointed, he went to sleep without hearing anything.

But this year? This year was gonna be different. He just knew it, felt it in his bones. 

After his stunt at championships, the Trojans lost a lot of fans. So what? He was gonna win them back, each and every one of them. And then, he was going to win his soulmate back, for once and for all. If he had one that is. He tried not to mull over that possibility.

\---

"Jeremy, I have a backliner for you. It is for you to decide if you want him." 

Jeremy looked from the papers to Kevin's serious face. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

"Yo- you're kidding right? Jean Moreau? What made Riko give him up?", he asked, voice full of wonder, his mind already going over the conversation he was going to have with coach. They couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass. Jean Moreau was the best backliner in the game, save for Theodora Muldani. 

Kevin sighed and explained how Renee saved Jean from Riko's hand and how he felt that the Trojan court was the best place for Jean to be right now. He warned that it would be difficult though.

Jeremy wanted ask Kevin a lot of things, like why and how and where Jean was right then.

Then realization dawned upon him. “You... You shared a room with Riko”, he managed to say. “You were by his side at all times. If he did this to Jean then…”, he trailed off.

But then Kevin's breath hitched and Jeremy hated himself for talking. He opened his mouth to apologize but Kevin was faster. “Yes, I did. And he did horrible things, but I left Jean there. And I'll never forgive myself for that. This is not about me. This is about Jean. I have a family I could and can count on. Jean needs one. Do you think you can add him to your team?" 

Jeremy did not have to think about it for another second. His mother always told him to save whomever he could, so he would. Plus, if he had Jean, he had another reason to not think about his soulmate. 

That's how he survived this far, distraction after distraction, just telling himself he'll think about it after he was done. He was never done. 

Jeremy noticed that Kevin started to look disappointed and was reminded that he needed to answer. "Of course! The more, the merrier!", he told Kevin, a grin breaking out on his face. Kevin let out a long breath and handed him the rest of the papers. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the foxes were watching them. Jeremy slung an arm around Kevin and walked back to Kevin's team. He gave Kevin a big hug and wished them luck, before running off to his own team, getting ready to kick ass on the field.

\---

The match was horrible. Jeremy was not sure if he really needed a distraction, because he couldn’t feel much more than his heart in his ears, let alone think. 

After everyone had showered and felt a bit more alive (note: “a bit”. They were still all getting ready to buy coffins.), they all headed towards the dorms to party. 

The Trojans slept with four in one dorm. In each dorm there were two bedrooms with both two beds, they had a little kitchen and every dorm had 4 bureaus. Jeremy shared one with Laila and Sara, his two best friends. His dorm was the only one with three people so Jean would probably stay with him. He hoped that that was okay, not sure if Jean could handle sharing a room with anyone. 

But that was for later to think about. They drank and played games and around 3 A.M., Jeremy ushered everyone out of his dorm to go to sleep. 

He couldn't sleep, though. He laid awake thinking about Kevin and Jean and Riko and everything he should  _ not _ think about. He could swear he just closed his eyes when his alarm went off. He sighed.  _ Here we go, starting the rollercoaster that will be Jean Moreau and the Trojans _ , he thought while dialing Coach’s number.


	2. I'm not brave, I'm not strong, I'm no soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took sooo long! Had a bit of a writing slump, but I reread my original You are like music in my ears and I just had to finish this tonight. So at 1 AM, with Try (bonus track of the lightning thief musical) blasting in my ears, here you go, chapter two of rewritten YALMIME!

Jean was a lot of things, but most importantly, he was an actor. Or he thought he was so. He couldn't remember ever being another person but he knew that this wasn't the person he really was. It couldn’t be. He wasn’t ready to accept that this person, this flavorless person, this dead, empty person, was who he really was.

Sometimes, late at night, he would dare close his eyes for one short second, and he would wonder who he really was. Who Jean Moreau really was.

During that one second, he liked to imagine having smooth skin, no scars, and a smile. That person would study literature, and spend his afternoons reading in front of a fire, with a cup of tea. He would have a beautiful husband who would ask him questions about his current book, and he would spend his free time playing exy, enjoying the rush of the ball ricocheting off of the walls, stick clacking together, the wall lighting up red, the buzz indicating another point. That guy would talk french freely, would enjoy the Katy Perry and the Mika he heard in his head, and find his old friends. That person would enjoy life. 

But then came the moment where the dream was over and he was faced with reality again. Scars. Pain. Controlled. Alone. 

It used to pain him, waking up.

Now? It doesn't mean anything to him anymore. 

Jean gave up on caring a long time ago… Just like... hope, laughing, smiling, happiness. He stopped doing those things the second he walked into the nest for the first time. No one cared, why should he?

So now there was darkness and only that. Walls caving in around him, caging him in that horrible black darkness, until he accepted it in him, and let it consume him.

And then, when it finally started to feel like too much, Renee Walker walked in the nest, with her reporter mom on the phone and Edgar Allen's own president by her side, and demanded to leave with Jean. 

The first time he saw her, a girl with pastel-colored hair and a smile to lit the darkness in him, he saw her light up a little spark in him.

So that morning, he was carried out of the dark, damaged and unable to walk, and let the light pull him to, what he could only hope would be, better times. 

But, if he would be able to walk, he knows he would betray himself and would already be returning.

Yet, Renee held onto him, carried him to her car, and drove away. 

Far away. 

They were silent, the glances she gave him filling in where dialogue should be.

Only when they passed the palmetto sign, Jean started talking.

“No”, he said, “Take me back. I cannot be here”.

But Renee kept her eyes firmly on the road. 

“No Jean”, she told him, “You can”

“Don't give me some bullshit about Riko”, she went on, “because you saw what happened to Kevin, and you saw that we kept him. You know what happened to Neil and you know we kept him”.

She spared him another one of those glances. 

“Riko cannot touch you here, and if he tries”, Jean could see a burst of anger light up her eyes, as if the idea of Riko touching Jean would pain her personally, “he'll have to get through 9 foxes and their coach first."

And if he were to be honest, Jean could give her a thousand reasons why that wouldn't be enough, but he did not have the energy. 

They stopped at a house, and it took Jean a few minutes before he realized he was trembling. 

He never went anywhere without another raven, usually Riko, by his side. 

But he wasn't alone, he had to remind himself.

With Renee's help he walked up to the door and waited while Renee opened the door. He wasn't sure he wanted to be at a place where they keep the door unlocked, but even a locked door won't stop Riko so he walked inside without giving it a second thought.

He stopped in front of a older looking man, coach Wymack he guessed, and stared at him. The coach stared back. 

Belatedly, Jean realized everyone was staring at him. Renee, the coach and another woman Jean thought was the team's nurse, all staring at him, a piece of flesh, now under their custody. The three of them shared a look before the coach mumbled under his breath.

“Damnit”, he said, “I'll kill Riko myself if that's what it takes to get him to stop hurting these kids".

“Can you take care of him?”, he asked the team nurse, “And get him some sun, he looks like a vampire." 

The woman nodded. 

"Thanks abby," he said, and turned to Renee," We need to have a talk." 

Renee nodded and followed coach Wymack into another room, while abby took Jean with her to a room. She sat down on the bed and he followed suit. For the next hour and half, she proceeded to work on Jean’s body, but when she was finally done she only said one thing.

“Thank you for not staying there and coming with Renee”, she said and he didn't know how he should react. Before he could think of something intelligent to say, she walked out of the room and left. 

He looked around the room. It was a plain room, white walls, a bed and a closet, and a window. His gaze lingered on the latter. A window. It was a simple, little window, but it was a window. He could see the sky. He did not believe this was real, but in the second that his eyes first saw that clear blue sky, he found himself wishing it was. He knew it couldn't be true, that dreaming was dangerous, but screw dangerous because the sky was right there, and that was all that mattered.

That night, he fell asleep immediately, his day had been both physically and mentally exhausting. He dreamt, for the first time in what seemed like forever. He dreamt about darkness and pain but if he paid attention, he could faintly hear a song. A song that pushed away the pain, and made room for something so beautiful and pretty, Jean didn’t dare name it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also btw this is not going to be a different story, just the old chapters edited and maybe some extra chapters, some little side plots, I'll see where this takes me! It's just written better!


	3. There's a man in my head, he talks to me, he's telling me lies that I believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so satisfying to see how much my writing style has improved

When Jeremy finally called Jean, at the end of the day, he dialed the wrong number 3 times, stumbled 5 times while pacing the room, and almost broke a leg. 

Honestly, Jeremy was about to give up, accepting the obvious signs the universe is giving him, when the ex-raven finally picked up. 

"Hello”, he said, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, “I’m Jeremy Knox, striker for the USC Trojans, and captain of the USC Trojans”.

He waited for an answer, some sign of life, but got none. Only some laboured breathing on the other side, and a small wince.

“I am sorry, am I speaking to Jean Moreau?”, Jeremy asked after a while.  _ Great, he doesn’t want to talk to me, I fucked it all up, he hates me, he doesn’t want to play with us, I didn’t get him on the team, coach will be dissappointed, I’ll be kicked off of the team, I’ll loose my scholarship, I won’t be able to tell my mom, I’ll have to live under a bridg- _

“Yes”

_ Oh. Okay, maybe I was overthinking. _

Jeremy waited a second before continuing, but when nothing came, he started explaining.

"Hi, so, Kevin told me that you would be interested to play for us? USC is ready to give you a scholarship, and we will take care of all the papers, we just need your okay"

_ Silence _

"Okay"

Jeremy his spirits were dampened by the wince on the other side of the line, about the pain that soft  _ okay _ held. He took a deep breath and put on his cheeriest tone.

"Okay, great! So, Rhemann looked at it today and said it should be possible to convince Evermore to release you, and then you should be able to come over as fast as possible. I'll keep you updated!”

_ Nothing _

After a minute he looked at his phone, only to see that Jean had hung up on him. He sighed. He could do this, but no matter what he told himself, there was still a part of him that told him he was a failure, a broken person, someone not allowed to live. 

There was a part of himself that told him that he couldn't do anything right, and that he just messed up their chance to have Jean Moreau on their line up. That part would never leave, but he knew he had nothing to complain about. There were people like Kevin and Jean out there, people whose lives were far worse than that of the captain of the Trojans. He flopped down on his bed and tried to sleep, but after an hour he gave up and went for a walk.

-

With the school year coming to an end, time flew by. The team was preparing for finals and were even more excited, so Jeremy had his hands full. 

Laila and Alvarez made him come to their coffee dates as a 'study break' (of four hours). 

He liked being around them, and he could use a break from Pre-Med, so he just went along with it. 

Without him noticing it, it was already a week before Jean's arrival. 

The day before Jean landed in LAX, Rhemann called him to remind him about it. The rest of the day Jeremy spent worrying. He was running in and out his dorm to get groceries Jean might like or to go get him a welcome-gift or to do something else. 

By the end of the day he was so exhausted that he skipped practise for once. Alvarez could handle the team herself. He went to bed early, but sleep wouldn't come to him. For the hundred time, he lay awake thinking about anything and everything he ever did wrong and how he is a mistake. He nodded off, his sleep filled by nightmares, unaware that he forgot to put on an alarm. 

By the time he woke he was already an hour too late to get Jean.


End file.
